Three People Captain Kirk Did Not Sleep With
by Camlyn
Summary: ...and one he did. Contrary to popular belief, James Tiberius Kirk has not slept with the entire crew of the USS Enterprise. No, really. KirkEveryone, KirkSpock.


A/N: Set post-film. Possible spoilers for ST XI. Rated for language and sexual references. This story is a one shot and it is complete.

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Contrary to popular belief, James Tiberius Kirk has not slept with the entire crew of the USS Enterprise.

No, _really_.

**three people James Tiberius Kirk did not sleep with**

**i. Leonard "Bones" McCoy**

Friends shouldn't fuck.

Sure, he's done the whole friends-with-benefits thing, and it had been great, until a really bad experience with what turned out to be one absolutely fucking _crazy_ chick culminated in Jim needing to file a restraining order.

He swore off fucking his friends after that. Stuck to picking up strangers in bars. Much safer. No emotional attachment or history on either side. The most minimal amount of risk that things could get messy.

And mostly it's easy. Mostly he doesn't miss it. Been there, got the t-shirt. Good times.

His attraction to Bones kind of creeps up on him, building slowly over time. It's small things at first, like how the starlight strips the years from Bones' face if it hits him at the right angle, or how much certain shades of blue enhance his eyes. But before he knows it he finds himself staring after Bones' ass and appreciating how nicely it fits into the Starfleet uniform pants, and if it was anyone other than Bones he might just end up breaking his friends shouldn't fuck rule.

It's really hard for a while. Sometimes he has to take a cold shower to shake off the arousal that just a look from Bones can give him. Jim wonders if he's started to want Bones just because Bones is forbidden, like Eve and the apple in the garden of Eden. He likes that idea so he goes with it, because it's the simplist way of dealing with these feelings, and he really can't afford to lose the best friend he's ever had in his life just because he can't keep it in his pants.

He wonders, though. He wonders what Bones is like in bed. He'd bet money that Bones would make him beg for it, because one of Bones' favourite pastimes is bitching about what an arrogant little asshole Jim Kirk is. It comes as a surprise to him when Jim realises how hot he finds the idea of that.

It'll always be one of his few regrets that he'll never know either way.

**ii. Nyota Uhura**

He flirts with Uhura a lot. Mainly, because he's Jim Kirk and if it's attractive, he will flirt with it. But it's a game now, a running gag, an in-joke between friends. He flirts, Uhura rebuffs him in an even more articulate way than last time, and so it goes. It's funny, and it's totally safe because Uhura is like a sister to him now and it amuses the crew, which is always a good thing. An amused crew is good for morale. Makes an otherwise heavy day a little lighter when Jim knows that whatever else has happened, he can always enjoy some simple, unguarded banter with his closest friends.

Her exquisite good looks are always appreciated, though. However sibling-like they've become, Jim is pretty sure he won't meet another woman who has more natural beauty, grace and class. She's in a league of her own but Jim respects her too much to so much as suggest anything other than playful teasing. Uhura repays his chivalry by indulging him in this run-around and she's pretty much the first purely platonic female friend Jim's ever really had in a long, long time, and he loves her all the more for that.

**iii. Pavel Chekov**

Jim hopes _no one_ makes a pass at Chekov, never mind himself, because Chekov is a _child_, and wouldn't it just be _wrong_? Chekov's crush (which is really, really obvious, and which the crew love to tease Jim about whenever the opportunity arises…and even when it doesn't) on him creeps him the hell out, and Jim does his best not to encourage it in any way, shape or form because he's not a complete pervert, thank you. He actually does have some standards, some limitations, kind of.

It's not that Chekov is totally hideous or anything. He's actually pretty damn adorable and has this really cute puppy-dog-eyes thing going on. Sometimes Jim thinks Chekov's puppy-stare would be a really effective way of convincing even the most hardened enemy to surrender. Even more effective than the threat of a phaser on its highest setting. Because there's something about the guy that can melt hearts, and thank God that Chekov is so completely clueless because if he was remotely aware of the weapon he possessed, he would be one deadly little bastard.

It's a good thing Jim himself is immune to the whole cute thing.

Totally, _completely_ immune.

**…and one he did**

The scent of sex hangs in the air of the captain's quarters, thick and heavy. Everything feels warm, close, but Jim can't stop shivering. His heart is beating loud and fast when everything else is quiet and still.

It's never been like this.

For tiny, precious moments they'd been one. One heart, one mind. Joined, complete. Whole. When the meld had ended, Jim had wanted to sob. The loss of the bond was felt instantly, and it was like the loss of a limb.

Although if Jim listens hard enough he's sure he can hear Spock against the dark even as the Vulcan lies motionless and silent. Just one thought, one word, the soft echo of it sending gentle ripples across space.

_T'hy'la_

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(FIN)


End file.
